A few weeks has passed since Ironman Lake Placid 2017 and I think I have been able to distance myself from the crazy emotions of the race and finish line.

In the weeks that passed after the race I found myself on the verge of signing up for 2018 quite a few times. Like an addict I couldn’t stop thinking about the Ironman. I couldn’t stop looking at things online about it or talking about it or posting pictures about it. As the movie Mean Girls would say — Ironman was like word vomit and I was obsessed. But every time I was right about to register… I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I needed to process everything before I could commit to another year of training.

Physically, emotionally and mentally — Ironman is a HUGE decision. It is a decision that you should not take lightly. It effects every aspect of your life and I was too emotional after the race to trust myself to make a rational decision. So I gave it some time and thought.

Questions bouncing around in my head:

• Do I really want to work that hard all over again?
• Do I want to pay all that money again?
• Would it be the same as 2017 and was I trying to recreate the past?
• What if I was disappointed doing it back-to-back?
• What if my heart wasn’t in the training this time around and it didn’t seem as special?
• Would the past year be exactly the same? Did I really want that?
• Do I want to compete in a club race with my tri team?
• What if I felt left out seeing everyone else training and experiencing it?
• Do I want to experience it all again at Lake Placid?
• Do I even want to do another full Ironman?
• If I want to do another full, do I want to experience it at another venue and race?
• What other full Ironman venues am I interested in?
• What other times of the year would I want to train and race in?
• Would I feel as accomplished and fulfilled just doing Half Ironmans?
• If I did another full Ironman would I get as lucky with the weather as I did at LP?
• When are we going to start a family and do I have enough time to do another Ironman before that? / Do I want to do another Ironman in a few years when we will most likely have kids?
• Am I willing to say “no” to so many things all over again? (Examples: I did not want to travel at all during the 6 months I was training. I also drastically cut out alcohol. And I can’t even count the times I didn’t go out or do something because I had to be up early the next morning to train or race.)

Of all the questions I asked myself and talked through with my husband, I couldn’t deny the fact that it was all worth it the first time around. I would sacrifice everything all over again to be at Lake Placid 2017 if I had to…but oddly I couldn’t bring myself to do it all over again for the entire next year in 2018. It was the coolest and most incredible thing I had ever been a part of, but I didn’t want this next year to be exactly the same. I didn’t want to try to recreate the entire experience and end up disappointed. I couldn’t imagine doing it all over again right away.

So here I sit…officially pulling myself out of the running for Ironman Lake Placid 2018. I know it’s the right decision for me right now, but damn it still stings…

[Read more of my post Ironman thoughts here.]

My DIY Ironman Lake Placid 2017 shadow box. I like how it turned out. A nice way to remember it all.